Who doesn't want a Parrot for Halloween?

This did not just happen, but I was reminded of it just now and it's such a strange story I feel like sharing. 

One Halloween, I was at home hanging out with my dad, since I had forgotten to actually plan and had no costume.  I was upstairs and heard a strange scrabbly sound on the roof.  I ignored it (because ghosts) and decided not to be the person who goes to investigate first and dies.  Until I heard a squawking sound.  So I walked outside, looked up...and there was a parrot on the roof of my (desert) home.  Not even a small one.  A macaw. 

I calmly walked back inside and yelled to my dad, "There's a parrot on the roof!  Get the ladder and I'll get the crackers!"  To which he responded, appropriately, "What!?"  Despite his confusion, he got the ladder and I took the crackers on the roof and approached the nervous bird.  He didn't seem to be great at flying, which is confusing, because he had made it ON THE ROOF.  He was a bit upset, which is also fair because it was Halloween and there were a lot of strange creatures wandering the neighborhood also squawking.  And because he was not on the roof of his own home.  I gave him some crackers, which calmed him down a bit. 

The thing about Macaws is...they are big, and they have powerful beaks.  This guy could take off a finger or a chunk out of my arm if he was too upset, and he didn't know me.  I used to babysit a Macaw, and I had learned how to read them a bit, and this guy was still nervous.  I figured a stranger, even a nice one who gave you crackers, picking you up and carrying you down a ladder (awkwardly) would be upsetting enough to make him bite, so I thought I'd just...sit with him until I figured out a better plan.  So we sat together watching the sun go down, and then I heard people calling out a name.  They were walking along with flashlights looking in bushes.  Assuming it wasn't some strange Halloween ritual, I yelled out to ask them if they were looking for a parrot.  They were very excited, and the parrot's real mom came up and climbed the ladder.  The bird was very happy to see her, and she was able to get him safely down the ladder.

And that is why sometimes it's worth exploring strange noises on your roof.  It may not be monsters.  It may be a very nervous bird in need of some crackers.

I Am Accidentally Creepy a LOT, guys.

I had the realization the other day that my social awkwardness when I'm feeling all floozy is just silly to behold.  Sometimes I am really disappointed that no one else sees these moments.  But I guess that I have learned that if I laugh at them, they don't seem so horrifying.

I was at the gas station the other day when I passed an old gentleman digging through the trash.  I watched to see if he was looking for food scraps, coffee scraps, or cigarette scraps.  When I saw him take a big mac wrapper out of the trash and examine it for crumbs, I got out and grabbed the (very worn and abandoned) box of pop tarts, felt around for the least squished packet, and handed it to him.  He tried to say something, and then signed "Thank you".  I felt so sad.  I can't imagine how hard it would be to find a job if you couldn't speak, and didn't have the resources to help you find a job that would accommodate that.  It kind of startled me, and so I panicked in how to respond, smiled at him in the weirdest way possible, and signed something that was probably a mix between, "Sorry", "Please," and, "Abbujabba".  Then I ran away.

The next day, I was walking passed a man and a dog, and was so overcome by the cuteness of the dog, that I went to say, "Cute dog!"  Only a demon temporarily took over my vocal chords, and what came out was "I like your dog" in the most demonic whisper I've ever heard.  Then I ran away.  Again.

I hope that poor guy doesn't have nightmares about me.  Oh, well.