I feel a bit flat right now. I feel like mental illness is difficult not just because mental illness is difficult, but because it is so little understood. I have had people tell me I am bipolar, ADD, or vitamin B deficient, or just plain strange. I have had people tell me I have depression, dysthymia, anxiety, depersonalization and derealization, Complex PTSD, and a whole stew of other things. I have had people tell me to turn to religion, to health, to just try more, to put myself out there more. I have had people recommend books and ted talks and songs and types of therapy. Diets. Meditations. Maybe I have them all and maybe I have none of them. Maybe I am just lazy or maybe I am 'dwelling' and creating my own mental illness.
I don't know.
And I'm tired. I'm not giving up. I'm not giving in. But I needed to say it, because I feel it in my BONES. I am tired.
And I would like to start feeling a little more real again, please.
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