But in the 10 years since January started, I have also: realized that this relationship is hard, but that it is hard because we are trying to do it WELL. Meaning I am trying not to lose myself in a person and that person is trying to have healthy boundaries and also let someone in. We are both trying to learn to navigate this whole being responsible for ourselves while having another person in our lives that we need to take into consideration...thing. I have met new friends and reconnected with old ones. I got a piano, and was shocked by how much music and joy that has given me. I have spent a lot of quality time with my grandmother, whom I look up to and adore so much. (I will tell you about my grandma another time- she is the coolest person). I have gone to drag shows and burlesque shows and comedy shows and dance shows. I have watched pole dancing with my grandma. I have danced and slept and watched reality tv and worried and laughed. I started the most Hufflepuff war with my best friend- she works in the same building and so I took her Italian Cream Sodas I made at work and dropped them off at the front desk, and she in turn dropped off cookies at my work with a note that said, "Two can play this game." I have talked for hours with far away friends, and made bubbles with my partner's kids and took videos of them laughing and didn't even feel upset that the kitchen was drenched in bubbles after.
So I guess that even though right now I feel tired in my bones, and frustrated, and more than a little sad and lost...there are good things that have come from this 100 years of January. So maybe this year is going to be okay.
